2012. whoa.

I think 2012 seems like a really big year because i graduated high school in 2006. and 6+6=12. something about the double-ness of that makes it seems more substantial.
2011 has been a good year, filled with changes and different things that I had been working towards for a long time came together in an epic sort of snowball type thing, one event straight into the next. I am not one to make resolutions, because I hate the idea of pressuring oneself into ultimatums. Instead, I look at what I have learned and how I have changed this past year, and make goals for myself somewhat based on the momentum from the year before.

In January I went to Utah and learned how to ski. February found me at my last semester at PCC, applying for schools, having no idea what would happen, completely freaking out that I would not get accepted into any school. In March my Safta (means gramma in hebrew) died, and the entire family flew to Israel. Just like that, from one day to the next. And we moved, and I got my own room for the first time since my sister was born. April was exciting as schools began responding. Brandies and UCDavis were my only two outright rejections, sending me into a fit of stress that all the UC schools would deny my admission. May was epic due to Berkeley’s decision. They let me in. Road trips to Northern California ensued. I graduated PCC in June, AA in the Natural sciences with Honors. New people coming into my life. Summer vacation, working, frolicking through LA. July I signed my first apartment lease. Quit my job at Starbucks. August was the move, drove up to start school. I turned 23 in September, on the best day of the year…the 7th, naturally. Got a job in Berkeley. October was a month of adjustment to life. November was thanksgiving, and sort of a turning point in my mind in relation to how I view myself. Went apartment hunting all by myself, and signing lease #2. And finally, December…surviving dead week and finals, coming home and being the laziest I have been for a very very very long time and not having as much of a problem with it.

And what have I learned? How have i grown? Like a prepubescent child who has yet to grow into their feet, and goes through that awkward stage where they trip over everything…well, I am growing into my feet. Also known as growing into my personality, accepting it, being OK with it, and in turn becoming more confident. And sucks to you if you do not understand my sarcasm, like my goofball self, appreciate my childlike whim, or colorful attire.
I also realized, I still have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life, but this time around, I have decided to stop planning every single move. Because planning life is rather confining. I came to Berkeley with the idea of graduate school, doing research, and being in academia for a bit of time. But then I realized I would only be repeating what happened with ballet: doing something because I am good at it and I can impress people; not because I really want to do it. Grad school may still be an avenue, but I find myself with the same aspirations I had when I was in elementary school: being a 2nd grade teacher.
Of course I still compulsively make post it notes for everything, like my things to be properly organized and in their respective places, and am slightly obsessed with time and productivity. Always and forever methinks.

so, cheers.

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